You just made me feel so damn special
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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