My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
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Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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