I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
