It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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