I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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