i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
