I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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