Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
