a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
