Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
