she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
did i walk over a car last night?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
