Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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