Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
