im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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