this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
