I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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