fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
