remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize