All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Randomize
