So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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