"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
