Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
