i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Randomize
