ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It's blow job season.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
