how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
