Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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