Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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