Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
