Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
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So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
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You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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