Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
