white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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