great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
