Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
