i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
