i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
