YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Jerry, you need to find god
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
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so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
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Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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