wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
