I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
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