I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize