am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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