I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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