All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
