Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
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