More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
