Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
