I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
