Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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