what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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