Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
