You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
