sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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