I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
