I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
