so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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