She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
