my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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