fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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