The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I need a burrito and a hug.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Drake has all the answers
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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