Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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