Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Is it penis luge time yet?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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