y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Can i not drive my cunt home
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I didn't notice because vodka
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
