I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Do vagina's smell?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
