Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
