I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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