I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
