now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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