Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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