I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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