Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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