i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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