I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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