Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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