it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
