apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
