He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
