...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
